July 9th 2012 – 16th 2012

539.

That’s now many people signed up for paid NSFWCORP subscribers in the first week we were open for business. Given more than 2000 people already had six month sponsored subscriptions that number delighted us. 500 people were willing to trust $3 a month (we had no annual plan) to our weird little comedy magazine. 10% of the 5000 subscribers we needed to be profitable.

It’s impossible to say how much of that initial success was down to the official arrival of Leigh Cowart as a NSFWCORP contributor a few days ealier. Leigh’s first piece was entitled “New Study Finds Breast Size Linked To Bounciness…”

Their findings, which surely must have come as a shock to all involved, concluded that the motion of bare breasts increased significantly with regard to cup size. That’s right, big ole’ ripe-for-motorboatin’ honkers bounce more than those naughty little alt grrrl tits you can fit in your mouth. The study also found that science can effectively predict just how bouncy that naked titty would be based on the overall size of said bosom.

In a tragic twist, this comes more than a decade too late for the seminal bouncy boobie television drama, “Baywatch,” which would have undoubtedly benefited from the knowledge that larger and totally bare mammaries would have more effectively created the dynamic breast kinematics that served as the riveting plot line of each and every episode.

It’s a wonder it took us so long to appoint Leigh our Sex and Science Editor.

July 9th also saw the return of NSFWLIVE. And I quote…

Announcer: It’s Monday, July 9th, 2012, and you’re listening to NSFW Live with Paul Carr.

Paul Carr: We’ve been away a long time, Josh.

Josh: I don’t even remember how this Internet radio thing works.

Paul: [laughs] Fortunately, the rules are still being written, so no one does.

Josh: By the way, I think we need to come up with a really cool … like a personality thing, like on-air personalities. Like radio shows, like morning shows, we can be like P. Carr and the Weasel.

Paul: Dingo and the baby.

Josh: Dingo and the baby. Yeah, exactly. We need to come up with something …

Paul: Sound effects.

Josh: Yeah, really … [laughs] yeah.

Paul: I love that we’re rehashing a “Family Guy” joke at the top of our first proper show. This is great. This is starting really well. We’ll be onto “The Simpsons” by next week, and then quoting Oscar Wilde. All right. So yes, we’re back. This is the first post-launch episode of “Not Safe for Work Live.” This is really exciting.

The July 9th Episode also marked the first NSFWLIVE appearance of Senior Editor Mark Ames…

Transcript

Transcript

Btw, for all the writers we were hiring and the guests calling in to the show, at this point the NSFWCORP office still consisted on me and sometimes Josh (above) and Rosalie. We’d tape the NSFWLIVE shows in the afternoon and then josh would head home to edit them in his home studio for upload early the next morning. NSFWCORP’s news room was still confined to a Yammer account, where writers exchanged jokes, pitches stories and generally went about the business of journalism. At the time I saw no reason why everyone had to be in the same physical space.

That, of course, was just one of the many things I was wrong about.

In the middle of all this madness – July 13th 2012 – I had to get on another fucking plane, this time to LA, for the Elon Musk Pando Monthly. During that trip Sarah and I taped an in-person WITN in which I explained how we ended up using Stripe for our payments. File this under “things I had completely forgotten about NSFWCORP”: As I explain in the video, we built the beta version of our site with Paypal with the intention of moving to Braintree for launch. But during the launch, Sarah suggested we look at Stripe which seemed absolutely too good to be true. Three days later Josh had rebuilt the entire payment system using Stripe, describing it as “the most developer friendly API” he had ever seen.

(The video also reminded me that in the run up to our launch I also had another gigantic distraction: Half of my friends from London descended on Vegas for a seven day party. I was able to attend maybe two of those days, during which the Hard Rock Hotel attempted to charge more $40,000 to my credit card for two diet cokes. Turns out the waitress had tried to enter the card manually but had put part of the card number into the “amount” box.)