Month: February 2006


"For a cautionary tale, everyone cites Paul Bradley Carr." - THE SUNDAY TIMES


It’s better to have loved and lost than to be sitting in the office at 3am writing jokes about Jesus

There is a bottle of Claret on Clare’s desk that she has carried with her from office to office for months. I can’t remember where she got it from. I think it might have been a gift. All I know is that I’m under strict instructions not to drink it, so I haven’t.

Instead I’m working my way through a share-sized bottle of Diet Coke. Alone. In the office. On a Saturday night. Anyone want to guess why this Valentine’s day was the first since my schooldays that I was bereft of a date? It’s tragic – and frankly I blame my new-found high-flying corporate life. Last week, New York, this week Barcelona. Alone. On Valentine’s day. Still if my brief visit to Catalonia taught me anything it was this…

1) Barcelona is in Catalonia

2) Hosting the Olympics is great boon for the fuck-off-huge public sculpture industry

3) Barcelona restaurants are very cheap, and the food is outstanding

4) Toblerone still have the duty free shop market sewn up

5) One-in-three people in Barcelona wears a Bluetooth headset which they use to talk loudly to their wives about how they’re really sorry they had to be away on business

…but admittedly that last statistic may have been skewed by the fact that it was Valentine’s day and Barcelona was hosting the world’s biggest mobile phone trade show.…

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133 Dead As Delta Cancels Flight In Midair

Ladies and Gentleman, the pilot has switched on the seatbelt indicator. Please return to your seat and ensure your seatbelt is securely fastened. And for those of you interested in the Super Bowl, the Steelers are currently leading 7-3.

Another late night bing, this time seven miles up, somewhere over the Atlantic.

I’m writing this from seat 31A of American Airlines flight 100 back from New York. I very nearly missed the flight thanks to American’s policy of one check-in desk for every twenty flights checking in. I wish I actually had, thanks to American’s other policy of one packet of potato chips and a pot of nutless-peanut-butter-flavoured spread (‘contains no peanuts!’) per in-flight meal. When ‘contains no peanuts!’ is the unique selling point of a meal, you know your palate is in serious trouble.

The man next to me is French, with an American passport. I know that because I just looked over his shoulder as he filled in his landing card, just as he’s looking over mine as I write this. We have no option. Narrow seats. Shoulder to shoulder.

Ho yes. Here we go. There’s the turbulence they promised. And to think the last thing I’ll hear as I plummet into the icy depths of the Atlantic are the words ‘brace brace brace… and if you’re interested in the Super Bowl, the score is SPLOOOOOOOOOSH CRACK

Keep typing Paul, if the black box is lost, this saved blog post is the only record they’ll have of the last moments of AA flight 100.…

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